Humanity is always in danger. Judging by Hollywood, New York is destroyed at least once every movie, either by Transformers, Power Rangers or confused superheroes. Does Batman turning against Superman has something to do with the gender fluid trend ? Is he bi ? Bi-super I mean good-evil.
We have suffered many pandemics in recent years, the Asian bird flu, the Kardashian flu, but the OMS has not prevent us for the most lethal of all them: the Hipsters.
So many years watching all these versions of the alien body snatchers movies, and we did not see it coming. Even poor Nicole Kidman tried to warn us in one of them. Although it wasn't the most thrilling of them all. We knew she will survive, with all that botox there is no way the aliens could tell she had emotions.
That got me thinking. Somebody has to do something. If the OMS is already invaded by them, is up to us, the regular people to fight this pandemic.
Following my lethal virus movie education I started to think who was the Patient Zero?
After several hours of research I have come to the conclusion that Fu-Manchu was the first and only Hipster.
It may sound strange but think about it. He had a long disgusting beard (No need to explain the parallelism here).
He dressed with funny vintage clothes. In a era where all gays are out of the closet, the hipster have gone back in, (to search for your vintage clothing, I mean).
Why they love so many vintage things? If they can afford so many men grooming products why not new clothes? Do they know something we dont? When their alien master come to Earth will he distinguish the converted ones by the age of their clothes and length of their beards?
Fu-Manchu was also very particular about his tea order, and if you have been recently to a hipster cafe you will understand the reasoning. Why there has to be some many options? Why a barista is more highly regarded than a chemical engineer?
Now ordering a coffee is more difficult than following the Ikea instructions to assembly a table.
Dating tip. If he says he is a Barista in his profile, run away. Someone that thinks drawing a heart with milk foam is art obviously need to go to rehab.
Fu-Manchu wondering if the Starbucks barista will remember his soy semi fat pumpkin extra hot non sugar-caramel pink and orange chocolat sprinklers tea order correctly.
But the most dangerous sign of all, is that Fu-Manchu he had an evil plan to conquer the world. Same as the hipsters. Can you name a city without at least one neighborhood already failed to the army of hipsters. Look around in your street. A hipsters cafe, or vegan restaurant may be already opened. And I am sure some of them already live in your own building.
But don't despair. There is hope. I have noticed that hipsters can only survive in wifi environments. A drop on the signal strength can make them crazy. I recently witness how they all left all of the sudden in panic an organic cafe when the owner changed the password without telling them.
PS. I know Fu-Manchu is a fictional character but hey dont hipsters look like a bad dream? Turn off your wifi and live a real life not an online one. That is the best vaccine against stupidity.
We have suffered many pandemics in recent years, the Asian bird flu, the Kardashian flu, but the OMS has not prevent us for the most lethal of all them: the Hipsters.
So many years watching all these versions of the alien body snatchers movies, and we did not see it coming. Even poor Nicole Kidman tried to warn us in one of them. Although it wasn't the most thrilling of them all. We knew she will survive, with all that botox there is no way the aliens could tell she had emotions.
That got me thinking. Somebody has to do something. If the OMS is already invaded by them, is up to us, the regular people to fight this pandemic.
Following my lethal virus movie education I started to think who was the Patient Zero?
After several hours of research I have come to the conclusion that Fu-Manchu was the first and only Hipster.
It may sound strange but think about it. He had a long disgusting beard (No need to explain the parallelism here).
He dressed with funny vintage clothes. In a era where all gays are out of the closet, the hipster have gone back in, (to search for your vintage clothing, I mean).
Why they love so many vintage things? If they can afford so many men grooming products why not new clothes? Do they know something we dont? When their alien master come to Earth will he distinguish the converted ones by the age of their clothes and length of their beards?
Fu-Manchu was also very particular about his tea order, and if you have been recently to a hipster cafe you will understand the reasoning. Why there has to be some many options? Why a barista is more highly regarded than a chemical engineer?
Now ordering a coffee is more difficult than following the Ikea instructions to assembly a table.
Dating tip. If he says he is a Barista in his profile, run away. Someone that thinks drawing a heart with milk foam is art obviously need to go to rehab.
But the most dangerous sign of all, is that Fu-Manchu he had an evil plan to conquer the world. Same as the hipsters. Can you name a city without at least one neighborhood already failed to the army of hipsters. Look around in your street. A hipsters cafe, or vegan restaurant may be already opened. And I am sure some of them already live in your own building.
But don't despair. There is hope. I have noticed that hipsters can only survive in wifi environments. A drop on the signal strength can make them crazy. I recently witness how they all left all of the sudden in panic an organic cafe when the owner changed the password without telling them.
PS. I know Fu-Manchu is a fictional character but hey dont hipsters look like a bad dream? Turn off your wifi and live a real life not an online one. That is the best vaccine against stupidity.
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