Wednesday, March 28, 2018

The Truth about Engineers

In the 18th Century, Dubliners started painting their house doors in bright colours. Some say it was done by the women, in order to help orientate their drunken husbands back home after an evening in the pub, a theory that somehow seems plausible if you have been to any St Patrick's day celebration. But some other historians point that Dubliners wanted to rebel from the strict British Georgian Architectural rules that controlled almost every single detail of the exterior look and feel of the home and somehow contest the British rule in general.

Traditional Dublin Doors


And in a similar way, after centuries trapped in hideous outfits, engineers have finally found a way to rebel. But lets start from the beginning. Engineers have been criticized for years for their looks. We have been mocked and laughed about in every corner of the office and at any water cooler chit chat.

It is about time someone tells the whole picture about this. We don't dress like this by choice.

We have never been allowed to dress in black, the colour for widows and architects. I always wonder why archaeologists waste their time studying why different cultures, with no apparent contact among themselves built pyramids, and they don't get intrigued by why every single architectural colleague in the world produces architects dressed in black.

Engineers cannot dress in orange either. When getting your degree you are immediately sentenced to spend most of your life at the office, so we don't want to make it even more obvious and look like a prisoner.

Blue is also forbidden, engineer profession is so often downgraded to manual labour, that we cannot further highlight that by dressing like a blue collar worker.

So, for centuries, engineers were forced to dressed in whatever was left on the rack, short sleeves shirts with patterns closer to a table cloth than a garment and ill-fitting pants.

But engineers are tenacious and after years of suffering the mockery of architects and interior designers they finally found a way to rebel: their hair.

I have been recently conducting a study following Engineers where nobody has seen them before. Like Diane Fossey and her Gorillas in the Mist, I begun witnessing the behaviour of engineers in our office bathroom and discover a ritual never documented before.

My office engineers spent hours carefully grooming their hair in front of the mirror. You can clearly observe how they enter the bathroom, face looking down, with a defeated sad look typical of any engineer but suddenly their faces light out when they pull out their favourite comb and grooming tools. It is remarkable how much they save to buy all this equipment on an engineer's paycheck.

The ritual can last for a long time. Some of them even compete in front of the mirror to determine who has the most dominant hairdo.

I have also heard rumours that female engineers rituals include hair washing. Apparently even other odd watersports activities occur daily. A few brave women have managed to break the silence about this, but I have not been able to venture myself into that wild territory, so I can only report based on the legends and on the rivers of water coming out below the door to give some veracity to the rumours.

So next time you see an Engineers please before laughing, please think about the hard life we endure and look at the glamour hair if the outfit hurts you eyes

Saturday, March 3, 2018

Fiji Water


I recently had the opportunity to watch the movie Battle of the Sexes on my flight to Fiji. A movie which was suppose to be about tennis but which premise could be summarized in "'a haircut can change your life''.

Little I knew, it was going to be a very appropriate prelude for the trip. First of all because it help me fall sleep so quickly , that's the good thing about bad movies. But it brought up to light an even more important topic. And I don't refer to the mystery that have kept me puzzled recently, why my male Filipino colleagues spend hours combing their hair in front of the mirror at the office. Promise I will dedicate a post soon to this intriguing subject.

What I refer to, is probably one of the biggest mysteries of humanity still uncovered: what is the secret ingredient of Fiji water?

Pretenders ( sorry I meant Influencers ) and other similar people who want the rest of the world to believe they have an interesting life, have decided that Fiji water is the Cool thing to drink even if they charge you 3 times the price and none of us could differentiate it from regular tap water. But for once, I must admit, they may be right.

Anyone who has been to the beautiful country of Fiji, will have to agree. As they say there must be something in the water. Otherwise you cannot explain how people can be so big. And by big, I mean in every possible dimension. And of a proportion that makes you feel as you were a liliputiense in the famous Gulliver travels book or when you visit the Netherlands.

At first I thought it was a secondary hallucinogenic effect of their other famous local drink Kava. For the record, by Kava I don't mean that Drink of certain spanish region produces, that it is not champagne nor water nor tasty ( any italian reading please do not laugh as proseco falls into the same category)

But no, it is not a hallucination, women of gigantic proportions and equally large heart and nice demeanor populate the islands and rule the land and sing like angles, from way before Beyonce realized she was too big deal and did not need to bother anymore producing any good music.

But, be careful, Fiji water does not always work the same way. While it make Fijian women smarter and powerful it makes the western influencers grow.... in stupidity and Instagram followers.


A suggestion to Fijian authorities, stop exporting water and send your women to rule the world, it will be for sure a better place