Once upon a Cult

People often say that the first step to overcome a problem is to actually admit it. So here i come: I have joined a cult. One of the worst kind: a fitness one.

And as they also say in rehab sessions: My name is Alberto and I am a crossfitter.

It is curious to think that we live, in theory, in a free world, where we can be whoever we want and yet people are desperate to belong to something, called it: cult, tribe, religion or line dancing group. The more the people single out themselves by the way they dress, tattoo, pierce, talk, eat or use fancy emoticons, they more they are trying to desperate call the attention of their fellow cult members.

But since cults are on trend, why not joining a hard-core one. Call it middle age crisis if you want. I always have being a believer that if you are going to do something, do it all the way, so hey, Crossfit sounded like a good option.

Many of you will ask, what the hell is Crossfit? Well, according to my Mom is an sport for rich people who don't have to work.  And as usual Moms are always right. Cross-fitters have to have plenty of money prior to join the cult, why? because we loose all our bets. You just have to challenge them to talk for five minutes without mentioned anything related to the sport and you will easily make a few quick bucks. 

If I have to define it, I would say its like masochism but without the sex. Yes, don't get too fooled about the sculptural beautiful bodies, because Crossfitters are like monks, they may not have the chastity vow but at the end of the day they are either too tired from the last workout or too busy practising a new movement, so sex is out of the equation.

On the positive side, they make great friends. Just get acquainted with one and you will never have to pay for house movers in your entire life. Crossfit gang will lift your boxes , jump on top of them and carry them for hours and they will even pay afterwards for the bootcamp.

One wonder why modern human beings spend their money torturing themselves in gyms when there are much better places to get fit like for instance an airport.

Lets face it, what you do in a gym you can do it same way in a terminal. Think about what you normally do in a gym. You get there, you get undressed an dressed up, lift weights and burn energies. Well, airports nowadays provide you with multitude of options to do exactly the same. You will have to get almost naked in the security controls. It puzzles me that each year they invent a more futuristic machines, but you still have to take the same things off. Similar to IPhone and the new versions, hard to tell what is the point of them.

If you want to burn some calories what its a travellator if not a long treadmill, and you can practice weightlifting carrying all your luggage and trying to check in yourself. Funny again that technology at airports is being developed only to make us do more things rather than make things simpler.


Airports are one of those rare places where will be hard to find Crossfitters. Fitness cults are far more demanding than Religions where you can tick the box by attending the Sunday Service. One of the strict rules of the cult is that you cannot travel to any place unless there is a Crossfit gym you can go to and report upon landing.

So next time you feel like your fitness routine is not working, just go to the airport and travel, you will get equally fit and you may actually learn something.

PS. A few travel tips. Always bring your Mom while travelling. They are the best skipping queues at boarding. and if you see a crossfitter sited next to you ask him to put your bag in the overhead compartment, you will make his day.

No country for Chicken

A few weeks ago, Israel won the Eurovision Song Contest with a song that many thought was inspired by the #metoo movement when it, actually had a even much more meaningful message. In a contest where half of the countries are not actually in Europe and half on the entries do not know how to sing, was refreshing to see the audience was able to see beyond the glitter and get the social message of the song. Because let's face it, Chicken genocide in Singapore is an important issue.

Being a country where Chicken Rice is the National Dish, nobody dares to raise their voice about the problem. Singapore praises itself as a city in a Garden, where humans and animals coexist in harmony. You can easily see monkeys, iguanas and all sort of wild lives creatures and aunties lingering free across the city, but the only chickens you will see will be hanging out by their poor necks at the multiple food stalls, across the city in a constant reminder to the poor creatures of their fate.

Not even vegans dare to speak about it, although I am not surprised, it is already hard enough to live pretending tofu taste great. Compared to that, all other issues seem first world problems.

Singaporean compulsive Chicken passion is similar to Spanish fetish with pigs. Since we haven't won Eurovision for decades we take our frustration on pigs, hanging their legs in every bar across the country.

Hanging animals parts in public places is not the only common thing Singaporeans and Spaniards have in common. We are both irrelevant in the International arena, but Singapore has a plan to raise the profile above the world indifference and secretly want to join the Eurovision Song Contest.

Think about it, its not a bad plan. After all, who knew where Sweden was before ABBA won the Contest. And look at them, they can sell lousy meatballs and cheap furniture and yet people still look at them nicely. All because they won Eurovision.

But lets face it, winning the contest its difficult. Spain has been charming millions of European tourists for decades and yet no one vote for us.

So Singapore has taken note, and the Government have been thoroughly preparing for the event, by choosing each year  an entry to honour their country for the National Day. Similar to any Eurovision Entry, they are mostly cheesy, and vary from soul to pop or rap in order to catch the attention of the population. With all this experience , Singapore is relentlessly testing public reactions to the different styles and that way find the perfect entry by playing the song at all times in radio, metro stations and any public spaces with loudspeakers.

If local talent is not sufficient, officials have the idea to instruct each household to scout their large Filipino maids population for potential entries following the Philippines worldwide reputation for amazing voices. There are even rumours that the Celine Dion's concert organized in a months time, its an excuse to convince her to forget the crude Canadian winters and become a Singaporean.

Whether Singapore succeeds in their World domination plans is still to be seen, but what nobody can deny is that a good Chicken Rice deserve 12 points.