Backpacking, the new pandemic

In 1918 an aggressive Influenza virus caused over 100 million deaths in a population still struggling with World War I. To deviate attention of the problem and maintain morale on the countries more directly involved in the armed conflict, like UK, France and the US, the media pointed to neutral Spain as the epicentre of the disease although it was in fact one of the less impacted European countries. The infamous "Spanish Flu" Fake News was created.

I often wonder if the world is so jealous that it has to be constantly creating fake news about us, like the one saying that our former dictator bought the jury votes to make us win our first Eurovision title in 1969. Luckily now that our new government has decided to unearth him, he will be able to kill this insidious rumour once and for all.

But global pandemics, are not a thing of the past.  Most recently, the world has been hit by more virulent ones such as the Kardashian flu, which has affected over 400 million souls in the planet according to the number of Instagram followers they have, and that still remains one of the most feared threats to the survival of humanity or at least to its sanity and fashion sense.

For those of us lucky enough to live in Singapore, we are safe. Not just because the Kardashians has yet to visit the country, although I hope Trump's recent visit has not awoken their interest. Hopefully we will be fine as I don't think they ever watch the news.

What I refer to by being safe is to the efforts of Our Government, which truly worries about the wellbeing of its citizens and as usual, is one step ahead of the rest of the world, launching a campaign to prevent us for the new viral disease: backpacking.

Yes, I know many of you have that romantic idea of backpacking which consist of traveling across the world living a free life ( meaning having an excuse to shower less) , making friends along the way (meaning not using Tinder to score ) and all on a budget ( meaning saving all the money for alcohol). I have to confess I never understood why the poorer the country is, the more backpackers it gets. It does not make any sense. I would understand thousands backpackers in Switzerland or Singapore where everything is so expensive, but doing it in Burma where you can easily afford a decent hotel, still puzzles me.

But there is another type of backpacking, less smelly but far more dangerous, that has reached the level of an epidemic across Asia.

It is impossible to ride a public bus or metro without legions of people carrying heavily loaded rucksacks that swing unexpectedly putting you at risk of a serious trauma. It is even more lethal than the WhatsApp virus, that wipes out people's ability to speak or look at reality with their eyes instead of using the phone camera.

And yes, there is no known cure for it. You cannot escape from backpackers or run away from their devastating effects. There are everywhere like a plague, like Starbucks.

From my field research I have noticed that the heavier the bag is, the more unaware the person seems to be of his surroundings, and the faster they are able to swing their loads in your face.

Recently, I also discovered that the disease has dangerously spread to planes. I warn everybody to avoid the aisle seats if they do not want to be at risk of being decapitated by a sweet innocent guy turning to talk to his friend completely unaware of the mortal weapon on his back.

Why do people need to carry such heavy bags on a daily basis?  Do they all have a Mary Poppins syndrome and need to carry a weird arrange of objects in case they need to unexpectedly break out in  song? Do the miss school so much that want to recreate their youth years?

Perhaps they carry emergency supplies in case of nuclear war. Which is a plausible explanation in a country such as Singapore where each house has a bomb shelter in case Armageddon arrives. Maybe even supplies of chicken rice in case the bird flu strikes unexpectedly.

This remains an unsolved mystery, similar to why people elect stupid politicians all the time in every country. Until Netflix does a documentary to explain this behaviour,  next time you decide to use public transport in Asia, don't forget your helmet.

Spain is different

In 1960, the Spanish Government launched a campaign under the slogan  "Spain is different" that changed the fate of country forever. The once isolated nation, still suffering the consequences of the Civil War, saw how suddenly, millions of European tourists discovered the history, beauty and strange habits of our country.

The success of that initiative made Spain what it is today, the second most visited country in the world ( now you will probably understand better why we don't like French )

Almost 60 years after that campaign we still are different. Very different.

But hey, it is not because we don't try to open to foreign contributions. For instance, it is easier to listen to reggaeton on the radio than flamenco and there is no corner in the country without a Starbuck water ( sorry I meant coffee ) outlet. We are even willing to pay three times more what it costs in a regular local place, wait 5 times more and have basically a tenth of the flavour. That's what I call commitment to internationalization.

In this effort to look more like the rest of the world, our dear and always imaginative Government has decided to start celebrating Halloween, changing our tradition of paying tribute to our ancestors and eat ( yes, it is not an authentic celebration if there isn't plenty of food and special cakes for the occasion).

But to have a proper Halloween celebration, a proper villain is required to terrorized the population. The name of Jamie Oliver first came to mind. What can be more scary than adding chorizo to a paella. It is undeniable that the Spanish population still have nightmares about the whole "paella-gate" thing. But although ideal the suggestion was soon rejected,  as it could backfire with the British and we may loose Gibraltar forever.

Second option was to create the fake news that Julio Iglesias was about to release another album in English, but then the Spice Girls anticipated their return a few days ago, so nobody could beat that horror.

Last but not least, they though about giving the Catalans independence, but just the rumour of it threw thousands of the local politicians onto the streets to beg the authorities for that not to happen, afraid they will loose their chances to keep robbing the citizens with the excuse of nationalism.

And then when our tall President was about to announce he backtrack (yet again), from the promise of national Halloween extravaganza, the brain of one our smart Ministers finally had an idea: what if we bring our old dictator back to life? said and done. A squad has been prepared to go and dig up his grave in time for the event.

Personally, I would have chosen other famous ( or infamous ) past citizens to dig out, for instance famous Architect Gaudi, the person responsible for making all the world think that we are lazy and can never do things on time. The famous "mañana , mañana" started when they asked him when was the Sagrada Familia will be finished. And lets not talk about Picasso, responsible for making the world believe with his portraits, that all Spaniards look weird and drive everyone in the country to imitate his style in search of fame. The famous old lady that restored a medieval painting in a "Picassian" way comes to mind...


Only time will tell if our Government will succeed in its attempt to put our country in the world stage, but as long as it does not frighten the tourists as much as it is frightening the population we should be ok.